I closed my eyes and took a leap. Almost leaving behind an entire world I built myself around. I will write these confessionals just like any other witch , to document and share my knowledge and experiences. Who am I to do so ? Honestly speaking I don't consider myself an authority on dealing with spirituality. But more of a tool at the discretion of allowed 3rd parties. My experience is my own. Since I was young I have had a fascination with the natural system of nature. The occult and magick naturally went hand in hand with the philosophies held at value in these interests. However, when I was little I used to see things. Not randomly or casually . But habitually. From priests to other measures my mother sought council in my well being by being this close to the veil if you will. I was never really scared of who or what I would see. But curious. More with every encounter. Through out this new journey of mine I will without a doubt share numerous stories. But for this entry I want to focus On my "Ergi" existence and how Freyja led me to my awakening. As Mentioned prior, since I was young I have held the occult in a special place. The very first time I sat down to make a divine tool was runes. I was 15 and in the state's custody. I was reading a young witches guide called "Where to park your broomstick" by Lauren Manoy. Here I would stumble upon the Elder Futhark runes and become deeply fascinated. I went outside and collected the same number of flat rocks. Most of my practice comes from internal dialogue and instincts discussed by inner dialogues. Never told but already knew kinda. I collected the same number of rocks and etched these symbols with love. Surrounded by them in a circle I prayed. Now at this time I was in state's custody. Times were definitely different and I didn't know any one like me or LGBT. This was before terms and words that would allow me to make sense of my existence. Or at least before I did. I prayed solidly. If there was anything I learned from my Pentecostal childhood it was how to give myself over. I didn't know what I prayed for but I started there. Surrounded (at that time) by a world that would continuously try to change me I kept this private. "GOD" for me never had a name. They were always there, listening. Even in the darkest moment of my journey, I was never alone. God was an inherent instinct for my mind in this world. So much that I Always knew the separation of what other humans thought GOD was. Even as a child. Child and teen hood was the great darkness of my life. I had to keep these secrets safe.
Time would pass and I would continue my journey into elder teens and early adulthood before I would not hide my witch hood but still keep my practice private. Secrets to the very thresh hold of my flame. Fast forward to my room while living with a room mate in a trailer park. The year was new and I was ready to begin and give my soul completely as I had been taught by early indoctrination. I was ready to choose my path only to discover my path had already chosen me. I was scared the first time I prayed to a deity with a name. During this time my dreams were a heavy source of divination. Ive always alternated between palms, scrying, runes, and dream magick. Divination has always been my thing. My introduction to sex magick would not come until adulthood. This collective led me to three names. But upfront, I Knew that there are 2 divine parties, perhaps 3 or more. Masculine and Feminine. They are separate from each other and perhaps separate from the divine all source. A conversation for another time I suppose. But I knew "She" was there, because "He" couldn't show some of the things I needed to learn and see. Together "THEY" make feeling so pure that I can only fall to my knees and weep. But "HE" needed "SHE" to develop and lead me back to "HE". I know this might sound complex but in time I will share more.
The three names were Hecate, Diana, and Freyja. Freyja was the one I chose. I felt her name the first time I read it. One amethyst and a stick of lavender incense began an avalanche of what would become a very direct experience and interaction with a divine source. I would engage and work with her through methods I accumulated in my studies. Engaging with particular energies and ways of craft that I felt were most appropriate to the energy she brought. I would follow her winds for many years before I would discover that my ancient heritage was Scandinavian and Celtic. Woven into the fabrics of my own D.N.A. . Discovering this in the last year and a half triggered such an awakening for me. I came to understand that I was truly connected to something that chose me many many moons before they would set me up to choose them. Truly an "Angel of Music" leading me to discover myself before giving me their name. Her name is "Freyja". And what I was practicing was "Seidr". Because I am an ancestral "Heathen". an "Ergi" heathen to be exact.
We will have other opportunities to discuss the word "heathen" and "seidr" but for now let us focus on "Ergi". As mentioned previously in my FEHU in 432hz blog , Ergi was an ancient nordic word used to describe an effeminate man. Very similar to the slur "Faggot" when used as an insult. Worthy of death. It was however not always like this. The "Nordic/Viking" people were very diverse and culturally embracing. There are many accounts of diverse genetics and world interaction/commerce. The very cosmology refers to the "All father/ Odin" as a master of disguise therefore not limiting him to the common "white" portrayal given. The runes where gospel gifted to him and were very aligned with philosophical personification of the many properties of life's experience like other ancient cultures. They were a people of travel and discovery. Hardly limited to the hyper machismo of viking sub-culture. Ergi was a word with a less superficial meaning. It is similar to an adjective. The word queer in its true definition would be a much more suitable analogy. Ergi was a word that could be used on any topic. My Ergi isn't really That Im feminine. My Ergi is more that I am a culmination of Man and Woman with the use of dramatic beauty. Again many associate this word in its insult format because lets face it. History has been greatly homophobically altered. We know. They try. They Fail. We see. Much Like the global LGBTQ community the Heathen category and people have also been historically fabricated and robbed.
It is through my ancestral work I have began to see the power of my Ergi existence. So relevant to the cries of pain from cultural hijackers. My ancestors weep. They have been framed and falsely casted with lies that limit their truth. Robbed of the knowledge they created to share with the whole world.
"Through the eyes of an Ergi, I see what you would have me think and I reject the falsehood entirely."
She taught me everything before the world could. She set up me up with the grand strings of Seidr before it knew its name. She shielded me with beauty to reach the common eye. She taught me to embrace my tears and pain. She gave me the blade of her will and the articulation to express it. Freyja gave me purpose. In early 2020 I came out as NonBinary. I accepted my manhood and womanhood together. I would later that same year reveal my gospel and truth. I am a witch. My entire lifestyle circulates around that paradigm. I am a witch that uses glamour and music laced with sexual charge and the law of attraction. I am seidr. I create my reality through the strings already available in the surrounding tapestry of fate. Embracing this has become paramount in my life. Sharing it even more so. It is not enough to express it. I know there are others waiting to be awakened , and It is through the Ergi platform I shall live by the sword. A true modern warrior of the times. The battle isn't however exclusive to this viewpoint. Many cultures and religions have been hijacked and robbed. We live in a time where knowledge is more available than ever for those willing to seek it. Including myself. Entering this new understanding I now strive to entirely integrate my art and presence with it. Coming out opened so many doors for me that revealing my truth was necessary. The support I received was enormous and humbled me to a point of tears before my ancestors.
I suppose we could bring this entry back a notch. The Images included with this entry where in of themselves was a divine experience. I crave so much to connect my favorite aspects of human expression with nature. The inner child inside me desires it greatly. My cousin and I did some homework on the hairstyles often associated with the nordic people and combined that with the urban cultural edge of Memphis. The makeup was something I did not want to over think. I kept it simple and linear. The "Algiz" raven rune was a perfect accident. So perfect that Im not so sure it was really an accident if that makes any sense. I wore that rune to honor my connection to divination and spiritual energies. Only one eye is marked in the search for knowledge, like the all father. I held my blade. Her name is Gefn. One of Freyja's many names. It means "The Giver". Gefn is my athame. I held my blade to the sky as rain fell from the sky and caressed my face. Truly a christening of sorts as I begin to mobilize my vision and love.
I gave the photographer a level of vulnerability that was honest. It felt like being in front of the camera for the first time. Scared and unaware. Re-learning how to dance with the lense. The lense always knew but I had only just discovered. My practice and use of glamour magick has been super relevant in what many see with me. In time I hope to learn ways to articulate the truths I have found. It is through the craft of beauty that my ascension has begun to take place. Working with this in the studio has also been a christening of sorts. The runes were always there. Quietly hiding on the tracks. Before I knew I was using "Galdr" I was using "Galdr". The use of runes in conjunction with chants and music. Even now we are creating the next rune experience. What you are seeing now is after math of that invocation beginning to run its ancestral course. "Galdr" is a reference to the spririts that govern and work with said rune. Using the invocation to summon and usher them. For this next rune that note is super important and will be revisited.
Photography : Julie Lester Photography
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